Which Way is Home Again?

Winter Rest

2012-01-22T11:27:00.000-08:00

Today feels like the deep of winter. Like it will never end. Like outside has ceased to exist and all that is left are warm stale drafts from heating vents and itchy socks and being inside. Yesterday we cheered because the sun stayed out until 4:30pm. It seemed like a sign of hope and then we realized what a weak sign it is. Oh winter. You are such a heartbreaker

All last week we were snowed in tight in our little cottage- icy roads and big hills and no snow chains kept us at home wearing pjs and trying to make the best of it. This weekend we (and everyone else in the city of seattle) hit the grocery store and saw friends, trying to make up for lost time.

At the Chapman's we drank cup after cup of tea and gobbled up latkes before they were cool enough for our tongues. The kids spoke longingly of the melting snow but the adults cast sidelong looks at the backyard and spoke of summer. Oh summer. You are such a heartbreaker. These days I can barely even believe in you. You may or may not be real.

To remind myself - I pulled up pictures of the last party in the Chapman's very backyard. My artist-in-arms, Ashley shared a camera with me that day, so these photographs are both of our work - together.

Summer really happened. It really exists.
There is sun and sundresses. There is grilled peaches and friendly neighbors.
Summer is real and it will come back to us someday.

Baby Food

2012-01-21T22:20:00.000-08:00

They say that pregnant women should eat loads of different kinds of food. It's supposed to help the baby and when they eventually eat solid food, theoretically they will eagerly take to all kinds of weird things since they are already used to diversity.
These days in the dead of winter I live on comfort food.
Pumpkin oatmeal and baked potatoes.
Green Pasole and crock pot applesauce.
Peanut butter.

But for one glorious month, Jorgito and I ate foo foo.

When we were in Accra, I was blessed to stay at Jordan's family house. We celebrated the beginning of Ramadan with this beautiful Muslim family and I felt safe and loved while I lounged around the courtyard and showered under the blue blue sky. It seemed every day was the perfect weather and every night full of good dreams.

Ghanaian's have a very strict system of raggedy clothes for work and glorious finery for going out and accepting visitors. In this way I am hopelessly American since I do not iron nor starch and I wear t-shirts both at home and abroad. Obviously this is terribly embarrassing but I cannot help it. Momma and Hajia were sweet enough one afternoon while pounding to let me take pictures of them even though they were in their work clothes. Thanks for humoring me ladies.

The Midwives

2012-01-12T11:49:00.000-08:00

One day mark had to work late so Ashley went with me to my midwives appointment. She brought her iphone camera because she loves me.

So far I've had an extremely low risk pregnancy. I've been able to work a full schedule plus at school and take care of our house. We've moved, traveled to California twice and Ghana once. Not everyone's pregnancies is like this. But this one of mine is. And that means I am lucky enough to work with the amazing team at Fremont Midwifery instead of having to be in a doctor's office which would scare me.

Geraldine or Tracy meet with me every two weeks in order to check in. They measure the belly and we listen to George's heartbeat but mostly we talk about me.

I navigate decisions with their help and talk about my feelings. They are with me when I am excited and when I am scared and when I am sad. They invite me to mystery over and over again. I say "It will be like this and I will not be able to do it." They say, "Leanna, we do not know what it will be like. It could be easy or hard. But we will be with you. We may not be able to help you but we will try our best." And then I remember to breathe and I say "You are right. We do not know what it will be like but so far I have been strong enough to do it."

My friend Janelle is never Jesus-y these days but when I told her this story she got all hardcore. "They are Jesus to you" she said - "they do not make any promises to keep you safe but they are with you."

"They are with me" I say and I am thankful every day for this.

The Navy house on the hill is surrounded by No-Trespassing signs.

2011-12-16T11:25:00.000-08:00

I have lost.

2011-12-15T12:40:00.000-08:00

Our culture isn't always very good at talking about loss. We don't want to be sad ourselves and we really don't want those we love to be sad. I understand that. And a baby is a happy event. A very happy event. But even a baby's happyness is not pure. There has been loss in being pregnant, there has been things I have had to give up and that has been hard.
One thing I have lost is the daily photographic record of my life. There is so little to remember the last 7 months - so little evidence. I have been begging every friend with a camera to please please take pictures of me and mine because I cannot do it myself and oh how I want to remember this time. So yesterday, Ashley came over in her pajamas while I was still in bed in my pajamas and took pictures of me. They are not pictures about being pretty or perfect but pictures to remember by.
One winters day, when I was 28 weeks pregnant, I got dressed.

Edit: Ashley has gorgeously written up her own words and picked her favorite pictures from our shoot and you can read what she saw and thought HERE.

The meadow on the hilltop

2011-12-14T12:39:00.000-08:00

Shhhhh, don't tell this tree it's already winter.

2011-12-13T10:47:00.000-08:00

Creative

2011-12-12T12:05:00.000-08:00

First my creativity disappeared - then I found out I was a lot of weeks pregnant. I had been looking for my spark - the thing that makes me WANT to do what I do and I couldn't find it anywhere. I had coped by pushing myself to create anyways - either way - no matter. But I'll admit it wasn't much fun.

I told my friend Nick that I wasn't "creating" these days and he told me "Au contraire - you are the essence of creating these days." He was right, but it still didn't feel like something I could be as proud of. After all my body creates the baby without the help of my brain and if I can't be proud of my brain then what....?

It has been a long period of rest. Of silence in my fingers and in my creative cortex. It has been a time of learning capacity and learning that it is not bad to have limits. Last night, my camera and I went to bid the sun goodbye.
Who knows what is coming? It may be a long winters night.

"We called these suicide flowers, as children" he says.

2011-11-08T13:39:00.000-08:00

The men unload ........

2011-11-03T14:25:00.000-07:00

Across the street from the offices the trucks arrive day and night. They are filled with wood. The trucks are unloaded. The wood stays here, stacked by the side of the road, and the trucks drive on. Where do the men who appear to unload stay when there are no trucks? Where does the wood come from? Where is it going? How was it harvested?
I want to stop and watch the men. Watch the beauty of their strength and teamwork. Watch the satisfaction of a job begun and completed. I do not stop. I might not be welcome. Who knows if they want my eyes on them?

When I was a child I sang to the Kanville sun as it set.

2011-09-12T13:16:00.000-07:00

Taxi's to and fro

2011-09-08T10:58:00.000-07:00

One night many years ago I got stuck in Puerto Rico and walked outside the airport into the humid air only to turn right around and walk back into the airline desk. "What color are taxi's here?" I asked, unsure as to who to hand my voucher too. "White" the helpful clerk informed me. Well in Ghana, taxis are painted a cheerful two tones so we can easily identify them.

There are two ways to take a taxi. You could rent the entire car for yourself. To do this you must negotiate a price with the taxi driver on the side of the road. If you drive a particularly hard bargain, the taxi driver might spend the entire drive trying to convince you that the deal is no good and should be renegotiated (happened twice this summer.) During the month of July, I never bargained for a taxi - I always moved to the back of the party and pushed the difficult work on my companions. There is something in me that finds it so scary to bluff, to name what I think something is worth, to stand my ground. Ouch.

The second way to take a taxi is by climbing into in a taxi that is going a perscribed route and is full of other people. This taxi might have a wooden box on the roof that tells you where the taxi will go (the driver will take it down and stash it in the trunk once the car is full) or when you walk into the taxi park you can tell the first person you see where you want to go and they will point you to which taxi is going your way. When I hear about this system of getting information by ASKING, I think how silly, how ineffective, inefficient. how slow. But it turns out it works all kinds of great. Isn't it interesting that American culture trusts the written word more than the spoke word? Isn't' that why we want the bus stop and the train station clearly labeled. we don't want to trust someone else to give us this information. We want to get it for ourselves.

The best thing about this second way (my favorite way) is that you get to make friends with your companions in the taxi. This school boy was already in the front seat the day Jordan and I picked this taxi to head out to greet our friend Patricia.
Isn't he great?

7 hours of friendship

2011-08-27T15:38:00.000-07:00

Meet my companion Salah. Salah sat next to me on the big bus from Kumasi to Tamale. She spent almost the entire 7 hours cheerfully texting and facebooking on her phone. She showed a brief interest in my ipod but when I told her it was not in fact a phone she deemed it not impressive. I myself wished it was a phone so I understood her feelings. Salah was also not impressed with any of the many pictures I took of her declaring them all "bad,' but she was very supportive of every shot I took out the window, of myself or of our fellow passengers. She bought so many gifts of for her family in the north that they spilled out from their holding space between her legs and under our seat and I don't mind saying that they took up about half of my side of our bench seat.
More than anything I was jealous that Salah knew how to find the chicken and rice takeout at the rest stop the befuddled me. Instead I ate ice cream, meat pies and a mango as big as my head cut into spears by a frowning woman with a large machete. But what I really wanted was rice. I paid her back by dripping mango juice all over the floor and myself. It was totally worth it.

Breakfast in Tamale

2011-08-22T14:08:00.000-07:00

My first week in Ghana my brother and I stayed at the JBS dormitory next to the GILLBT guest house where my parents had been for over a month. We had decided, that when spending an entire week with extended family having a 3 minute sidewalk jaunt between bedrooms is an asset.
Jordan had thoughtfully packed a tea kettle so when we woke in the morning under the spinning ceiling fan, we made tea and hot chocolate in our room, then a little later I would wander next door to make myself breakfast. The breeze fluttered through the louvered windows and the water filters stood like sentinels as they had when I was small.
Pastor Moses had dropped of a lovely gift of guinea fowl eggs - tiny eggs with impossibly hard shells and gorgeously bright orange yokes. I gleefully cracked them over the sizzling skillet and ate them on tea bread. For once, fruit tasted how it's supposed to taste: heady and so sweet it made me doubt everything else.

Home

2011-08-21T13:42:00.000-07:00

I'm back. I'm in Seattle. I am back from my travels.

I almost wrote that I was 'home'. That's what people keep saying to me. "Welcome home lala." or "We're so glad your home and can rest."

And it's kind of true. I am back in the place with all of my stuff, the place where my name is on the lease. But for someone like me, who grew up in multiple places and cultures, the word 'home' doesn't mean the same thing as it does for someone who grew up in one place - rooted and safe. My Aunt Nancy describes home as a place where her eyes can rest because they feel comfortable with what they will see next. When she tells me about this feeling I get jealous and a little sad. I'm not sure I have felt it except in little bursts.

This summer I had the feeling of being home most often when I was with family. People can be a kind of home I think, just as much as a street or a language or a beach. These pictures are of my dad holding his goddaughter (my niece) Olive.
Isn't she perfect?

Some great Ghanaian bloggers to keep up with......

2011-07-06T11:47:00.000-07:00

In case you want to try to imagine where I am and what it looks like check out professional Ghanian photographer Nana Kofi Acquah's sassy opinionated blog. I particularly like this post where he posts portraits of International Fund for Agricultural Development Project recipients and puts them alongside Accra city women portraits. Two beautiful sides of the same country.

This Ghanaian blogger just came out against sanitary products for female students, a topic almost universally embraced by the western world. Want to know why? Yes you do.

This delicious blogger is hard at work posting Ghanian recipes and pictures. mmmm mmmm mmm

Africa

2011-07-02T16:17:00.000-07:00

You might have noticed that I haven't been here the last couple of days. You might not have noticed haha, but I wanted to let you know.
The truth is, I've been packing and shopping. Maxi dresses from Target and international plugs from radioshack and an unfortunate mosquito spray that has the words "manscape" or something equally awful across the front. Why am I doing such things you ask? Welllllll I'm going on vacation in Ghana West Africa with my brother for a month! (Eeeeeek) I'm feeling about 300 emotions at the moment with excitement leading the way. You know that feeling you have when you have been waiting impatiently in line to get on the rollercoaster for like two hours and then all of a sudden your at the front of the line and you're not sure you can do it anymore? Yeah. Sometimes I feel like that.
I may or may not be posting here during the month I'm gone. But don't worry, I shall return with pictures and stories galore.

Crouch down on the forest floor. Smell deeply. Look.

2011-06-29T11:36:00.000-07:00

Kira Colleen Elliott puts together her instalation for the art show

2011-06-28T11:30:00.000-07:00

The best views are waiting for those who climb up high

2011-06-27T16:06:00.000-07:00

When a family is a family is a family

2011-06-26T22:08:00.000-07:00

Remember when I told you how my parents came down for my thirtieth birthday and we all had a big snuggly slumber party at my god-parents house on the peninsula? Well mostly we ate and wore pajamas, watched movies and talked and talked and talked. In my family, talking about politics and religion, feelings and memories is not just allowed, it's encouraged. And of course, I took pictures. I love to shoot in my god-parents house.

A love note to Molly

2011-06-25T13:17:00.000-07:00

On the first day of orientation at my school I saw Molly. She stood in the circle in the middle of all of us with a plastic bottle and a recycle bin. "I found this in the ladies bathroom," she said "you are in Seattle now. We recycle." I thought she was fearless and sassy and I was totally intimidated and maybe a little bit mad at her for scaring me. She also said that she liked to make eye contact and smile from her desk when someone came through the front doors. The next time I came through the doors of our red building I tried to smile at her. It took a couple times, but I got braver.

One day I was standing next to her desk. There are red hots on her desk and while I do not eat red hots, often I am talking to someone who does - so I'm there a lot. We were talking about how one becomes a woman and how maybe it's ongoing - maybe one never "gets there" and Molly stood up and moved over to us. She wanted to talk about becoming a woman. She wanted to talk to me! It was awesome. I was giggly all day from the thrill of it.

Molly has been at The Seattle School since the very beginning. She helped me understand how to reserve a room when I needed a place to practice counseling and she ran protective interference when my father tried to sneak into the building without a pass (haha). Molly has wide hips like me and grey hair. Some days she is my role model and some days she is my friend and some days we are still strangers. There was a fire drill recently and she told everyone where to stand and looked fabulous holding her orange flag.

Thank you Molly. For everything.

All the rough edges rubbed smooth

2011-06-24T20:59:00.000-07:00

Swoosh

2011-06-22T19:23:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time...a dyke and a breeder fell in love and formed an alliance.

2011-06-20T16:27:00.000-07:00

I care about the city I live in. I care that it's beautiful.

2011-06-19T14:08:00.000-07:00

The Statistics Study Group

2011-06-18T10:53:00.000-07:00

It's finals week around here friends and I'm struggling. It is also the Fremont Solstice festival, preparations for my upcoming Ghana trip - some pretty severe personalstuff, a fight and an important goodbye. I'm trying to learn that sometimes it's being alone that helps and sometimes it's the with-mates who save me. In Statistics class, it's clearly the with-mates.

Tis the season of cloudscapes

2011-06-17T19:45:00.000-07:00

Outakes Galore!

2011-06-16T14:21:00.000-07:00

"I paint to free the demons. I paint to laugh with children. I paint to find my sexuality. I paint to f ind God, and then to learn that God, while imminent, almost cannot be found. But something else is found in the process, maybe an acceptance of absence and loss (of god, myself, my life, my faith…" - Jackie Moulton

I'm so thrilled to share Jackie Moulton's art with ya'll today. She is graduating this month from my school and her work is showcased on the third floor gallery right now. Earlier this year she wowed the third floor with an installation piece that wrapped around and through the floor. (I swear I have pictures of that too...where are they?) I felt very wonderland-y as I got to explore it - especially as a bright eyed bushy tail NEW student on campus. This show is centered around grief and my pictures and her story are showcased here!

This last picture is a detail of my FAVORITE piece of the show. The full piece got published on the link above in a pretty stark black and white (Jackie used the space and the lighting SO well) - but YOU and only you get to see the detail.

Mystical Ghost-y being hovering in the Lake Union sunset

2011-06-15T19:22:00.000-07:00

Every week on the drive home from Bothel the sunset is so magical I have a hard time paying attention to the road. Last week Mark was driving us home and I snapped this out the window. When I got home, I was surprised to find out that I had fallen in love with the mystical blurry rectangle.

We wandered into a world of cactus magic and air plants

2011-06-14T11:45:00.000-07:00

Today in Ballard the sky looked like this:

2011-06-12T17:44:00.000-07:00

And the sea looked like this:

What did you see today?

Obama Graffiti: some difference of opinion

2011-06-09T14:45:00.000-07:00

I don't always make the same kind of pictures

2011-06-08T15:27:00.000-07:00

Coming Soon: Church of Brunch

2011-06-07T22:16:00.000-07:00

Lunch with our old friends the Schilperoorts

2011-06-06T11:17:00.000-07:00

Eight years ago in Arkansas I said goodbye to my friends Abbe and Casey at our graduation ceremony. They went on to get married and have babies and join Lahash and live in Portland. Last week they drove through Seattle and stopped for some thai food takeout at gasworks park. They were champs keeping two super active kids engaged and carrying on an adult conversation AT THE SAME TIME.
Asher was especially undaunted by the strangeness of a new place full of strangers - can you find him in this picture? He's a roamer for sure - but I love that Casey is cheering him on.

Something about death

2011-06-05T11:54:00.000-07:00

Recently, my friend and I drove around Seattle singing Britney Spears at the top of our lungs with all the windows down. What can I say? It's sunny and we're celebrating. We ended up at this park she had discovered one day while lost. The park had a ship suspended in the sky above it like a poem or a children’s book. My friend planned a dinner party high above us. The sun was shining and I wandered around – reading the signs and gazing dreamily at the trees.
My friend took this picture:

The signs said that there had been villages living on this shore of the river, fishing the salmon of these waters for the last 1400 years until recently industrialization had ruined the water and the land and it had been unfit for people or animals. The park was trying to reclaim some of the land and if you walked through the park, past the benches and flowers you would reach a view of a polluted trickle of water, abandoned machinery, dead birds and stinking mud that made me so sad I couldn’t take a picture of it.
Instead I took pictures of flowers and boats and my friend took pictures of my lips:

When I was a kid, I thought it was my fault the world was so broken and I thought it was my responsibility to fix it. I have noticed recently that this might not be true, at least not entirely. I’m not sure what to do with my feelings of sadness and guilt and impotence in the face of death though. Not sure at all.

Just another Friday night....

2011-06-03T19:43:00.000-07:00

Found: extra scary "Destroy" graffiti

2011-06-02T11:41:00.000-07:00

My experience of the experience

2011-06-01T17:06:00.000-07:00

     A while ago, I was asked by the great and wise Hilary to take some pictures of the art that is currently showcased on the 1st floor of my school. How much do I love that my school uses its walls as gallery space? A lot. That's how much. This is the second time I've taken pictures of another artist's work (see Sarah's work here) Both times I've tried to ask, how do my pictures provide a map down the road that the art took me down.
Does that make sense?
      I don't wanna show you what standing in front of the art looks like. I am not a security camera or a teleportation device. (though it might be nice sometimes) It seems that the thing-I-have-to-give as a photographer is the same thing-I-have-to-give as a friend, as a conversation partner. I can tell you what it looks like from over here.
     Sometimes telling that is scary for me - cos I don't always see what you see or what I think you expect me to see. I want to. That would be easier because then you would always "like" what I have to say. But sometimes it's hard. I took a lot of pictures to try to figure out how to honor Jeremy's work, and how to show you where his work takes me. Jeremy honored me by accepting my pictures as representative of his hard work. My school honored me by publishing the pictures beside their interview of Jeremy here. You can see more of Jeremy's work here. Below are some outtakes from the journey- as I tried to figure out what I was seeing.

Behind the telephone wire

2011-05-30T15:05:00.000-07:00

Martha Stewart Baking Party under the Tulle Top

2011-05-29T13:10:00.000-07:00

Ashley and Riley are each amazing photographers in their own right.
You can see their expressions here and here (respectively).

Water Water Everywhere (and not a drop to drink)

2011-05-28T12:02:00.000-07:00

Mark is underwhelmed by these pictures of water. I show them to him and he says "hmmmm."
That's ok. It's ok if you aren't impressed with them either. I'm trying to learn that I don't have to impress other people. I have to impress myself. And to tell you the truth, I'm in LOVE with these pictures of water
(here, and here, and ooooo don't forget here.)
They speak of me of peace and of rest. When I look at them I don't see the absence of something, I see the presence of something quiet and secret and strong.
Somedays I dream of having an art show all about ONE idea (like grownup artists do). My dreams are about water. I might name the series "She Hovers" because in the Biblical account of creation, the Spirit hovered over the water before there was anything good or bad about the world, before there was anything there was spirit and water. I don't know what I think about the rest of the story, but I like that part.
Or
I might name the series "Into the Water We Shall Go" or "Wade into the Water" because more than anything I want to take myself and my people into the places that these pictures speak to me of. Places of calm and chaos. Places of peace and great wind. Places of blinding light and aha moments. Places of the Spirit.

Today is a lonely kind of day

2011-05-27T15:29:00.000-07:00

Under the bridge lies a secret

2011-05-25T18:57:00.000-07:00

SONG OF THE GOURD by C. D. Wright

2011-05-24T21:56:00.000-07:00

In gardening I continued to sit on my side of the car: to drive whenever possible at the usual level of distraction: in gardening I shat nails glass contaminated dirt and threw up on the new shoots: in gardening I learned to praise things I had dreaded: I pushed the hair out of my face: I felt less responsible for one man's death one woman's longterm isolation: my bones softened: in gardening I lost nickels and ring settings I uncovered buttons and marbles: I lay half the worm aside and sought the rest: I sought myself in the bucket and wondered why I came into being in the first place: in gardening I turned away from the television and went around smelling of offal the inedible parts of the chicken: in gardening I said excelsior: in gardening I required no company I had to forgive my own failure to perceive how things were between them since I was not privileged: I went out barelegged at dusk and dug and dug and dug for a better understanding: I hit rock my ovaries softened: in gardening I was protean as in no other realm before or since: I longed to torch my old belongings and belch a little flame of satisfaction: in gardening I longed to stroll farther into soundlessness: I could almost forget what happened many swift years ago in arkansas: I felt like a god from down under: chthonian: in gardening I thought this is it body and soul I am home at last: excelsior: praise the grass: in gardening I fled the fold that supported the war: only in gardening could I stop shrieking: stop: stop the slaughter: only in gardening could I press my ear to the ground to hear my soul let out an unyielding noise: my lines softened: I turned the water onto the joyfilled boychild: only in gardening did I feel fit to partake to go on trembling in the last light: I confess the abject urge to weed your beds while the bittersweet overwhelmed my day lilies: I summoned the courage to grin: I climbed the hill with my bucket and slept like a dipper in the cool of your body besotted with growth infected by green.

The family rides the ferry

2011-05-23T21:43:00.000-07:00

Spring Sky #3

2011-05-22T13:34:00.000-07:00

Far from home.

2011-05-21T17:46:00.000-07:00

We're supposed to be working.

2011-05-20T11:54:00.000-07:00

If i were a bird, perhaps I would be at peace

2011-05-19T22:23:00.000-07:00

Stems and Seeds

2011-05-18T20:32:00.000-07:00

Everyone gets to go to California but me

2011-05-17T17:54:00.000-07:00

When I stand on the Fremont hill, the houses of Queen Anne peak out at me from behind the trees

2011-05-16T09:12:00.000-07:00

Time for a Smoke Break

2011-05-15T13:38:00.000-07:00

Unfurling

2011-05-14T16:10:00.000-07:00

A mirror is an object that reflects light or sound

2011-05-13T16:16:00.000-07:00

It's totally normal to have three lions in your front yard

2011-05-12T21:46:00.000-07:00

You can tell it's almost summer when you see kites at GasWorks

2011-05-11T21:48:00.000-07:00

The summer trimester not about papers or presentations, it is about reading.

2011-05-10T13:13:00.000-07:00

I had to look up the word "fjord" in the dictionary

2011-05-09T08:52:00.000-07:00

Signs of the Seashore She'll Sell

2011-05-08T14:36:00.000-07:00

If you blink you'll miss it

2011-05-07T20:21:00.000-07:00

Cheers! It's Friday night ya'll.

2011-05-06T17:31:00.000-07:00

He makes his own trail

2011-05-05T22:22:00.000-07:00

Which side does it grow on again?

2011-05-04T19:00:00.000-07:00

How can she concentrate when the view is so enchanting?

2011-05-03T11:37:00.000-07:00

On the way to work, he points out this house as his secret favorite

2011-05-02T14:45:00.000-07:00

Spring Sky #2

2011-05-01T14:26:00.000-07:00

Today

2011-04-30T16:34:00.000-07:00

Today there is sun. Today feels like hope. Today is not yesterday. Today is not last night. Today is not tomorrow. Today there is rest and play and mango apple fruit compote made by my love. Today there are friends and library books and cozy sweaters and enough sleep. Today I am forgiven no matter how many mistakes I make. Today I am known. Today is a good day.
Tomorrow may be anything. It's ok. I'm ready.

Today we went down to the water and received. I wish you a good today.

Tourists and the things they look at

2011-04-29T12:26:00.000-07:00

Through the trees he moves

2011-04-28T14:05:00.000-07:00

Roomate Love

2011-04-27T12:59:00.000-07:00

Check out Becca Jane over here also ya'll. It's breathtaking and weird. I like weird.

Happy Happy Joy Joy

2011-04-26T19:28:00.000-07:00

This morning I drove a bag full of my photographs over to the Mars Hill Graduate School Bookstore where I am being featured!!!!!!!! I hung up my pictures in a cozy corner of the store using a ruler and pencil like Mark taught me to. I wrote a little bio of myself and my process. I danced around and celebrated. I hugged the bookstore manager and her attractive husband. I cheered.

I am so proud to see my little pictures all printed and framed and beautiful. I'm so proud since I framed them each myself. I'm so thankful for my buddies who encouraged me when I hated the process and to the manager of the bookstore who has cheered me and encouraged me every step of the way. Yipppeeeee ya'll.

Richard Serra's Wake towers over me. It's nice to feel small sometimes.

2011-04-21T09:40:00.000-07:00

Mi Casa Su Casa

2011-04-20T18:13:00.000-07:00

My mom mentioned that one of her favorite things in meeting my new friends in my new city of Seattle is the way that upon arriving at a restaurant; I put my little camera in on the table and my friends feel comfortable picking it up and shooting whatever catches their eye with it. I am a commune type of girl. Always have been. Yesterday I looked at the pictures from my BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION drinky drinky night out and there were 101 of em. They are beeeeautiful and what's more I didn't have to take a single one. My beloveds took em all.

Kristen, you see me with such kind eyes. Plus, I really dig the perspective.

Dear Ashley. Your eye is so keen.

Spring Sky

2011-04-19T21:23:00.000-07:00

Four Boats and an Uncomfortable Feeling

2011-04-18T10:59:00.000-07:00

The truth is that I HATE the word "blog." I fear I am admitting to the world that I don't have enough real stuff in my life to keep me occupied. Like I am a special kind of nerd. Like I am trying to sell myself like some sleazy car salesman. But the truth is that my daily practice of putting a picture here every day no matter how much I like it or hate it has saved me. It grounds me and it keeps me from artistic paralysis (a real risk, I assure you) and forces me to look anew at what I create. Because of this space I ask myself big questions and find others who are willing to do the same.

Here. Molly Wizenberg says it so well. "Having a blog is strange. I never know whether to be proud (I'm you and hip! I'm with it! I have a blog!) or sheepish (So, uh, yeah, I have, uh, a blog? I take pictures of my dinner. But enough about me! Let's talk about you.) It's a classic love-hate relationship."

- from her book A Homemade Life: stories and recipes from my kitchen table

Look to the East

2011-04-17T20:37:00.000-07:00

Ashely talks with her hands at the Edgewater Hotel

2011-04-16T11:00:00.000-07:00

Views from My Parking Lot

2011-04-15T08:32:00.000-07:00

"David," she said to her husband as she turned toward him in bed. "The sadness is coming over me again."
"I know. Come here."
Laronne moved closer and let herself feel the warmth of his arms around her shoulders and on her back, and the heat of his chest on her face.
"I can't get rid of the sadness," Laronne said.
"Well," David said, "then we'll just keep it company."
-The Girl Who Fell from the Sky by Heidi Durrow

I recognize the feeling.

2011-04-14T16:59:00.000-07:00

This is what I look like turning 30.

2011-04-13T16:45:00.000-07:00

We're Taught to Assume

2011-04-12T20:48:00.000-07:00

For one class, this week, I was asked to use everything I have learned about how people work to predict how a particular couple will work. (Hi Doug and Jenn!) I imagined a fight between them and pretended to predict how their inner workings operated. I understand the assignment and I think I pulled it off (fingers crossed*) but the truth of it all is that I find making assumptions about people (or the world) to be less than helpful. If I have learned anything in my time studying myself and my family is that humans are unpredictable and shocking. I surprise myself sometimes. And what's more I LIKE surprising myself. When clambering through the forest in Capitol Hill, Jenny and I were awed to find these fallen trees curling around themselves.
When is the last time you allowed yourself to be surprised?

Don't Play With Your Food

2011-04-11T22:55:00.000-07:00

PostSecret Graffiti

2011-04-10T21:52:00.000-07:00

Do you read postsecret? Do you think the postcards are all propaganda? Do you think they are all real secrets? Have you ever sent a secret into Frank? Have you ever written your secrets out for all the tourists to see like these two I found on my last walk around Belltown?

A coffeeshop the size of a closet

2011-04-09T17:15:00.000-07:00

Have you been to ETG (Espresso to Go) in Fremont? It's so seriously small you could walk by a trillion times and never notice it exists. We treated ourselves recently on an especially dismal day. I was disappointed by their chai but enchanted by the vintage cash register and big brother watching us.

Can you believe it?

2011-04-08T23:15:00.000-07:00

So the last 7 months have been a pretty intense time in my life - living in a new city with my husband, battling unemployment and academic probation, being in therapy (required by my school) and being far far from the ones who know us and love us....

But the truth is that last week I was feeling really invigorated by the process!
I'm so proud of how brave I've been and how far we've come.

Can you believe how far we have come?

It is 5 short days until my second trimester at my dream GRADUATE school wraps up. I might actually pass all my classes! It's very exciting. And I am gearing up around here to turn 30 (!!!!!!!!!!!!) years old in 5 days. In 5 days!

And on top of all of that, it's SPRING outside. FRICKIN SPRING PEOPLE. Not winter, not terrible, not cold, not theworsteverohmygodimissGhanaterrible, SPRING!

And I love how every artist around me is entranced by the explosion of color and flowery-ness.

Check out Missy Gaido playing with the motions of Spring. I have no idea how she does it. I have tried to take these same pictures and pass them off as my own because it is a genius genius idea but unfortunately mine look nothing like hers. sad face.
On the Fremont art walk we saw this photographer's ocean photography (ugh I hate watermarks). Now you know I LOVE the beach and need to live by her like my whole life? not want, need ok.... well these are gorgeous. Don't they make you dream of spring vacationing at the beach?
Also Spring is the optimal season for stopping and smelling the roses. I don't know anyone who seems to spend more time appreciating the simple beauty in ordinary life than this guy. Makes me want to cook and cook and then appreciate what I've made.

This Spring I've been obsessed with the explosion of flowers in Seattle. I haven't seen cherry blossums or daffodils like this since I lived in Seoul 5 years ago and oh did I miss them. I mean.... wouldn't you? Go out and smell the roses ya'll. It's SPRING!

My experience of Alexander Calder's Eagle

2011-04-07T21:51:00.000-07:00

What speaks to YOU?

2011-04-06T13:51:00.000-07:00

Today I need help friends,

For the very first time I'm putting my pictures into frames. Into frames for people to see! Into frames maybe for people to buy or judge or ignore or love or be annoyed by. I don't know what people will do with them.

I do know how it makes me feel to be doing this.
It makes me feel scared and brave and a little bit grown-up and a whole lot lost.

So I need your help. Which picture would you want me to print and frame and sell to you? If you had to buy just one, which one would you buy?

Courtney said she'd buy one with sunlight. This one? or this one? or maybe this one?

Mark said he likes this patriotic one. And the one with the car here?

"Really???" I said. "Do other people like those ones too?"

So far I've been having one way conversations with myself about what to print and what to leave in blog-o world.
Personally, I want this blue dream world on my wall. It makes me feel like the world is good.

And I wouldn't mind this black bird on my wall. Sometimes a little black and white is just right.

So PLEASE! Help a sister out. Tell me what image has stayed with you. What should I print?

The wind moves through the water

2011-04-05T18:51:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I need space.

2011-04-04T19:25:00.000-07:00

We play a little game the sun and I.....I try to find her. She tries to hide.

2011-04-03T18:21:00.000-07:00

History and Systems

2011-04-02T15:24:00.000-07:00

So I'm taking this class right now where we discuss the history of psychology. I didn't know psychology had a history before I started taking the class. Apparently we do. Here's my buddy Jordan looking super smart in class.

My favorite is the last 30 minutes of class where we watch film. (think like a football coach going over a game's film with the team) Here's the great Carl Rogers in the classic Gloria Tapes showing how he does his stuff. It's been really cool to watch these big famous thinkers therapize.

PS. I was inspired today by THIS bit of awesomeness. Have you seen it? How do you spend your time in class? I used to crochet to work out my wiggles. I'm gonna be paying attention to what happens in the margins of my notes this week and I want to see what is going on in yours!

I'm trying to remind myself there is a whole world outside of my schoolwork.

2011-04-01T17:16:00.000-07:00

I wonder.....

2011-03-31T19:15:00.000-07:00

Ashley under the trees

2011-03-30T13:34:00.000-07:00

Alki Beach

2011-03-29T21:02:00.000-07:00

Our own little piece of chocolate heaven

2011-03-28T12:19:00.000-07:00

Oh Theo's Chocolate Factory! How we adore your tasting room and your organic, healthy, free trade deliciousness. How we enjoy your warm fireplace and your salted almond flavor. How we enjoy taking new friends to see your wonders again and again.

Our reflections spent the afternoon exploring...

2011-03-27T13:57:00.000-07:00